I Don't Care Hair

Today I want to talk about hair. Hair is the glory of a woman. Your hair says so much about what kind of person you are. In the same way that you dress how you feel, you often do your hair the way you feel. 

There's sophisticated hair pulled up in a clean bun. 

There's wild and fun open crazy hair. 

There's flirty curly hair.

 There's rich silky straight hair.

 There's creative braided hair. 

And then of course, my favourite, I don't care hair. This is either my hair tied up into whatever it wants to do up there or leave them messy and  open and untouched. 

Hair can be a feisty thing. I remember the days when my hair were the cause of tears or just a very bad day. It's interesting how good we feel about our hair is how good we feel about ourselves as a person. That would make sense though if hair says so much about who you are.

Where I used to fight and hate my hair, I have learned to love and embrace my hair. Where I used to force my hair to become something they didn't want to do at all, I have learned to understand my hair and work with what they want to do. In the end that is what's natural and beautiful and it makes for a much happier and confident me! It's because I'm being myself. 

So what do I mean with "understanding your hair"? What do your hair naturally want to do? Are you frustrated that they're always so extremely straight and have no fullness? Are you annoyed at your odd kinky hair? Are they too thick? Too thin? Well, turns out you want someone else's hair and someone else would like your hair. So let's just get that out of the way - I am not jealous of anyone else's hair. Perfect. That's step # 1. 

Step # 2. Work with your hair instead of against it. If you have a certain hairstyle in mind and you will not give up till you get the perfect look, well, I don't know about you, but I normally end up being very frustrated and there goes my day. Say you are trying a quick nice up do and you don't have a lot of time, but it ends up looking a little messy and lopsided. What normally happens is that you can try again and probably again and then yet again. But it just gets worse as time goes on. Worse with your hair and your attitude because your running out of time and in your mind you are looking less and less beautiful when all you wanted was to make a little bit of an effort to look a little extra beautiful.

Here's what I have learned to do - try it, and if it doesn't work for you then just scrap whatever I have to say - but first take a deep breath. Take a step back from the mirror and take a look at your hair. Don't get mad at them but try to understand them. Today they are wanting to be cute and a little messy. Think of a different look that matches what you are seeing. All you might need to do is tuck in a few more hairs and your done. Or just pull out a few more and add a bow and there is your cute messy, slightly on the side bun. No sweat, no tears and your on time looking good and yourself because that's what your hair want to do.

It has become my own little inside joke at how often on the days that I basically threw my hair together into whatever (with no sense of pride in what I'd done) that that is when I get complimented and people ask me "how did you do your hair!" That's what is funny because I can't tell them how I did it. I just felt horrible about my hair so I just did whatever they wanted to do and there it is and I don't know how I did it. But it has become my signature way to do my hair. My secret is out! And I love my hair. I feel like me and my hair have a really good relationship now. As I'm ok with doing what they want to do, my hair seem to gladly do what I want to do as well.

Now I'm not saying you shouldn't care about how you look. And I'm not saying to not do your hair appropriate for the occasion. But sometimes you almost need to get that attitude of "I don't care" so that you can stay at peace with your hair and with your self which looks a lot better on you than forced hair and a forced smile.

Step # 3 ties the last two steps together. Don't try to make the type of hair you have into a different type. You just can't. 

If you have genetically thick curly hair you can't expect when you straighten your hair to have silky straight asian hair. Find out what works for your hair. You can get ideas from how other people do their hair but never expect to get their perfect results. Your hair will always do their own thing. And that is what's beautiful and unique and makes you YOU! So embrace it and work that hair!

Hint: Maybe next time when you do your hair you need to relax a little and try something new. Sometimes you got to try a few times to understand what your hair want. But don't be uptight, and be ok to do something your not used to. All it might take is some mousse, a different shampoo, a different hairstyle... and TADA! Suddenly you will be in love with your hair! That's how it's supposed to be.

P.S. I hope to follow up with posts of different things I've done with my hair and tips I've learned in beauty school. And again this is coming from someone who loves to express who I am with my hair, yet has no patience to do anything "perfect". So hope you will enjoy.

I would love to hear your comments on your frustrations and successes of hair! Can you identify?

Crazy!

Pain Does Not Define Her.

Not too late, I figure, for this post. This woman is an inspiration. I love her willingness to make intentional choices to make the best of her life and pour out on others. She knows what pain is. 

I was there a few years ago when Norma's body got caught on fire. And because of the gas on her, the fire could not be put out quick enough to not do damage. Let me tell you, trauma like this will not only physically scar you but emotionally as well. But I have seen this woman get miraculously healed both physically and emotionally. But I'm sure she'll tell you that it was a process of choices. While there may still be some scars, they are not noticeable as she has chosen joy and thankfulness in spite of her pain. She has come out more beautiful and strong, in my opinion. 

She told me that she has struggled with not liking her body and that these burns added to her feeling self conscious. Low self esteem is something a lot of women struggle with (and guys too). But what is beautiful about Norma is that she made a choice to feel good about herself. She started living a healthy lifestyle where she felt better about her body. She gave me the absolute honor of going shopping with her and helping her find clothes that expressed the new her. And she was brave and vulnerable in letting us do a photo shoot with her. Like they say, "where there is scars, the skin there is stronger." She is definitely one of the women that I see as possessing raw beauty inside and out. And I love how this photo shoot captured her pure joy and freedom.

This army green jacket is personally my favorite piece that we picked out for her. It's edgy AND classy ... great for layering.

Makeup by Clarice Reimer

Photos done by Clara Loewen

Death, Dark and Cold

 Death, Dark And Cold

I always like to visualize my year at the beginning of the year. Last year was full of life and fun and dreams coming true. At the beginning of this year all I saw was a blank snowy white field. There was nothing filling up the scene. It was pretty and sparkly but cold and unknowing. Eventually I did see myself walking through the snow with ease. I was wearing my furs to keep me warm and arrows on my back. I thought I was alone. And I was wondering what this meant for my year. I was quite hesitant. But than eventually I did see a group of people walking with me. I then remembered an encouragement I had received in the beginning of the year. God will put people in your life to help you. You will be ok.

I apologize for not being consistent with my blogging this summer. There's nothing more annoying when your following a blog and then they're not consistent with posting. I really have no excuse. But it has been a hard year so far so to speak. It's been one of those seasons where everything good I've held on to and believed in has been tested. Instead of buying my own car and travelling, I used the money on doctors and health. Also, I have buried two people in my family in the last 5 months. One of them being my Dad just a few days ago.

 I have found one thing, no one is ever made to handle the stress of losing a loved one. As I watched my Dad slowly suffocating, "comfort" words that God won't give us any more than we can handle didn't mean much to me. This is definitely more than what my Dad could bear or his family watching. A human is not made to be on edge without sleep day and night thinking that this might be your loved one's last agonizing breath. God did say that he won't tempt us more than we can bear. But he didn't say we won't experience more suffering than we can bear. We live on this earth. Life is hard. But when life is more than what anyone could handle, He is waiting for us to let him carry us with his supernatural Strength and Power. Days when I wondered how I could go on another minute and all I wanted was just to die, somehow I made it through and I received physical strength and a person would come my way to give me emotional strength. A miracle of healing would happen in my heart and even in my physical body, when I should have been breaking apart. In that cold darkness of death, I have also found Love like I have never experienced before - through people, but also when people weren't there for me, I believe God loved me.

If you are experiencing a time of darkness, I'm not gonna pat you. It's going to be hard. But the difference is whether your going to hide in fear or face it and let love carry you through.

Go Neutral

Good Day! I see myself slacking a little in blogging the past while. Although the snow is finally gone, the thing that will always stay true, in my opinion, is neutral colours in fashion. I find myself dressing a lot in neutral colors lately. There is something edgy and classy with the subtly of neutrality. I kept this particular outfit classy by putting up my hair in a simple chic top bun, keeping the makeup clean. I like to add some glitz with the studded earrings and the bright lip.

Something that has been on my mind lately - Trust and Security. Can you take the risk and trust a person with your heart? I'm not saying just randomly trusting a person who has not earned it. But it's always a risk to trust someone. Maybe you have been hurt before and your wanting to protect yourself. I get that. But as I challenged myself I want to challenge you, take that risk and trust someone with your heart. Trust that the person actually loves you and wants to protect you. 

If you believe in God, can you trust Him as a Person who is Good and Powerful. Can you trust him when all Security is gone.

Can you trust yourself that your still the same wonderful, loveable powerful person when your sense of security is gone and your not feeling yourself.

I want to!!

The Dilemna of Black and Brown

I was recently faced with the dilemna of  having only brown boots to wear with an almost all black outfit. Just before I put them on, I stopped myself. I always knew the rule to never wear black and brown. I was always told that black and brown clashed cuz they are too close in color. Theoretically this made sense because I agree too that two colors that are almost the same should never be worn together - like different shades of the same color. 

But I want to challenge the black and brown rule. Unless it’s a very dark brown they are honestly totally different. I don't think any neutral colors clash. You maybe have to be a little more cautious how you wear both colors at the same time, but please don’t let that rule limit your fashion. So I’m giving you the freedom to have at it. Wear black and brown. But even if it's "okay" fashionably, you always have to keep it balanced. Anything becomes unfashionable if it's unbalanced. So here's some tips to guide you through the Black and Brown dilemma.

If you wear brown boots with an all black outfit, throw on a matching brown belt to balance it. Or a brown cardigan or purse. Like the images below. What I did with my dilemna is I put on a kahki green jacket. It tied the brown with the black. So it totally works wearing brown and black. Just make sure the brown isn’t so dark that it’s very close to black. But honestly, have fun and add 2 tone layers, stripes, and other earthy colours. Also I find that the brown always dresses the outfit down a notch. Which normally in my case I always like to wear classy pieces and find some way to dress it down. But in cases wear you are going for the all black classy look, you want to keep away from the browns. Do not wear brown heels or boots in that case. 

 

The fun about fashion is that you can always find away to make it work. You just got to work it! So screw the don't mix Brown and Black rule! Happy Friday!

Street Casual

I am slowly transitioning into spring. The weather isn't quite keeping up with the calendar, but I feel like I'm helping it along a bit by shedding the heavier coat for my lighter leather jacket, barefoot in my toms and the short cut pants. And oh baby, those pants are very dear to me. I've been waiting for the right moment till I found the perfect pair for me. Tan, short cut and oh so comfy. I feel fashion smart every time I wear them. They add edge that normal jeans can't. The lighter color and material are perfect for spring and summer. So spring please do come!
 I love the street casual style of this ensemble. Give me leather, something tan, and a graphic tee these days and I feel good!
I had to throw in my hometown hockey team shirt. They can always use some support. Go Jets!

Leather Jacket: Sirens

Graphic Tee: Giant Tiger

Tan Short Cuts: American Eagle

Photos by Clara Loewen

It seems to be a long transition into spring. It's hard not to get depressed and discouraged as all of creation seems to be holding it's breath till summer will finally burst upon us. I feel like I'm in transition in every area of my life as well. Death, love, career, dreams, and discouragement all seems to be happening at once right now. Transition can be scary. The waiting can get depressing. Especially if you have no idea what your waiting for. You may have disappointments happening in your life right now. But listen to me. Take a deep breath in. Breathe it out. There's no use stressing out. As sure as the dawn will come, so will Summer. Without fail every year summer does come. No matter how dark things seem right now, hope and light will come. Dreams will come true. Clarity will come. You'll get your job. Money will come. You'll regain your health. You'll find something to laugh about again.

How do you get that hope? How can you help the stress of spring still not being here? How can you keep from not getting depressed? Here's what I realized I needed to start doing again. Take a deep breath. Slow down. Eat well. Get some fresh air and exercise. Be with people that make me laugh and feel safe. Do the things that I like doing just for fun.

Just before this photo shoot, I was saddened that I wasn't feeling more excited about doing what I loved doing. But I decided to go into it cuz I knew this was my passion. This shoot will show a person who has come way too far to stop now. She has fought, pressed through and cried and loved and succeeded.  This person carries a certain glory that is unique to her. And I will carry it well. This is you! Love yourself back to life. And everything around you will become alive! Spring is coming!

Single and Thriving

Preface: 

I wrote this blog a few months ago, but always seemed like there was something more important to post. By now, for those of you who know me, know that I am not as single as I write in my post. But in the moment this was written I was as single as a pringle. And I don't care what has happened since, I still feel very strongly that I need to post this... so here it is...same as it was. 

Hi! I am single. I don’t see that as a big deal, but as I get along in my age it seems to become a big deal for other people. I normally don’t like to make a big difference between the singles and the married people. To me, we’re all people on a journey. No one is better than the other. But I have heard so many comments and questions from other singles and even been bugged to write about it, I decided to relay my thoughts on the subject…

I have seen a lot of blogs and articles lately about being single and how what married people often say to the singles can really be insensitive and illogical.

And yes, since I’m 25 and still single I have heard my fair share of very insensitive and sometimes quite amusing remarks. And there was a time in my life where the criticism was so much that if I were to have posted a blog I would have joined the popular articles and directed it to the married people and explained VERY clearly and bluntly how they can negatively affect the single people with what they say. At that point, no matter how confident we feel in ourselves, suddenly we can start to doubt ourselves and wonder where the heck we completely messed up our lives. And apparently there is no hope for us.

I get that. I understand, if you as a single person at times feels lonely, hopeless, confused and misunderstood. I know what that is. Especially the misunderstood part. I know what it’s like to sense the stares, to hear the whispers, to see the smirks on people’s faces. I know very well what it’s like to feel the pressure of needing to get married because that apparently is the ultimate goal and final destination of true happiness. I know what it’s like to feel the constant pushing, or even the silence because “poor thing is still single, and I don’t want her to feel worse so I won’t talk about her love life… to her at least but to other people maybe yes”. Oh man do I hate to be pitied. That’s the worst. Or how about this one: “Someday you will find your man” (gentle pat on the back). Ugh, puke, give me a break. Doesn’t matter how sincere they are, it always sounds wussy. Like we are some poor lost orphans. And someday we can have the ultimate life like they have.

And yes I know what it’s like to get all the advice in the world because they want to help us. But no one actually cares enough to take the time to listen to “my” heart and talk about the journey that “I” am on; which by the way, is completely different than anyone else’s journey. They don’t even realize that I’m actually really enjoying my life and that I’m actually feeling quite hopeful and that I would actually love to process my love life with them as long as they would be more interested in my heart than a juicy story, and as long as they would keep in mind that my journey to love might be very different than theirs – in fact it could be completely opposite, and that I am still ok as a person.

And just once I’d like to hear “I am proud of how you’re thriving as a single person. You’re managing your life and relationships so well.”

But, this blog is written to us singles, not the “other” people. I will not hash them. There is no “right” way to handle us anyway, it seems. So don’t worry “other” people. You’re ok. I honor you and if you need for me to clarify some things I said you may come talk to me. I like directness, more than indirect communication through other people. J

So here’s the deal, singles… I have decided in all areas of my life to act like a daughter as opposed to a victim. It’s a choice I have to make many times a day. A daughter or son of a king knows that he/she has authority and power to change things. She is the head and not the tail. A victim will always back off when things get hard and will pity himself and blame others for making their life so hard. A daughter takes ownership of her own life. A victim let’s life happen to them, and a daughter makes life happen for them.

So talking about being single - I don’t know what your story is, but if being single is a sensitive thing for you and it brings you pain, then maybe I can help you do a little mindset shift.

There are common lies singles (and married) believe. I simply want you to say the following truths out loud. Get them in your head and heart.

1.   My value does not come from my relationship status.

2.   My final destination is not marriage. It’s just an awesome chapter in my life story.

3.   Finding “the one” will not cure my loneliness. (A married person can be just as lonely as a single person)

4.   I can experience great relationships, even covenant relationships before I’m married.

5.   My journey in finding love will look different than anyone else’s. There is no formula in how to get there.

6.   I am a whole person before I’m married.

7.   I can have my needs met in a healthy way, before I’m married. (yes, there are needs and desires we have as singles)

8.   I can thrive as a single person.

9.   There is no shame in being a single person.

10.              Everyone is NOT looking and talking about me.

11.              I am awesome!

12.              I am doing very well.

13.              There is nothing wrong with me.

14.              I did not miss my chance.

I am not diminishing your desire to have a spouse. It’s ok and normal and good to desire someone of the opposite sex. But while you’re on that journey of finding him or her, don’t let other people rob your joy, your vision, your dreams. Sometimes what they say may hurt or just sound dumb, but don’t worry about it. They actually care about you. Don’t act like a victim and shut people out when things don’t work out for you.

I find that the church (which is my community) as a whole seems to have forgotten the single young adults. This overlooking is unintentional, but in the pulpit there’s messages for almost every people group, but the single group’s unique needs are never really addressed. Except of course “get married already!” I would like to insert a few symbols here, but I will withhold.

There is actually a type of grief that is called disenfranchised grief. My friend talks about this in her blog http://thesexycelibate.com/category/loneliness/. Which by the way, you should check out. Usually grief is had when you lose something you’ve had. But this grief is grieving something you’ve never been able to have – desires that haven’t come to pass. It’s like a woman who longs to have children but can’t. This grief is just as real, but it never gets addressed. I’m not judging any church, I’m just saying that your pain and feeling alone is valid.

But if we blame others and pity ourselves than we jump into that victim mode and that is just disgusting.

So how do we thrive as singles?

1. Create family. You should learn to relate to people in a deep level before your married anyway.

2. Dream and live those dreams.

3. Love yourself and let others love you.

4. Get a vision of what you want your relationships to look like and stick with it. Don’t EVER settle for anything less. (It’s a good idea to ask God for that visionJ)

I have people in my life that I feel entirely loved by, starting with people in my family. I also have friends all across the world. These people would do anything for me. The only time when I would feel that they don’t seem to really care about me is when I slip into that victim mode. “Why don’t they call me? Why don’t they ask me how I’m doing?” Hey with family we just tell them how we’re doing, we don’t wait for them to come and ask. And they always want to know how Clarice is doing.

I have had many close friends that have gotten married by now, including 2 of my nieces. And here again, people will look at me with pity, and ask “how does it feel to have your nieces, of all things, get married before you!”

But I can honestly say that the only thing I felt on their weddings was genuine happiness for each friend that got married. I know some of you hate me right now for saying that. But hear me out… I honestly rejoice with them. Just because my journey looks different than theirs does not mean I’m less valuable, or less important. I’m not just sitting and waiting for my ultimate destination, marriage. Because marriage is not my ultimate destination. I’m pretty darn excited for when it will happen cuz I know it will be good, but if that was the only thing I was living for I think I’d be kind of disappointed.

I have things I’m living for that even if I’d never get married I would still thrive and love my life.

I have let people into the deepest parts of my life and I am completely loved by them. That is definitely a risk, but when you’re loved unconditionally, it kind of sets you free and you don’t really care what anyone else thinks of you.

And lastly as long as I keep things simple and stay in God’s peace and His vision for my life, I can thrive and be happy no matter what the marital status is.

Now, it’s starting to sound like I’m pretty near perfect and got it all figured out. That’s a laugh. But I have experienced everything I’ve said as the truth and I want to impart that hope to you.

I still feel vulnerable many times and I’ll feel out of place or just plain annoyed knowing how subconsciously everyone still thinks constantly about why I’m still single.

But that’s not my problem. Until they truly care about me and want to know about my heart, I won’t tell them. But I know who I am. I am a daughter, with an incredible future. I am going from glory to glory. I am a normal human being who longs for relationship. And since God put that desire in my heart, I know he will fulfill it. I will not run from that desire. I will embrace life as it comes. Who I am doesn’t change, whether I’m single or married.  

By the way, I have watched people get married, and I don’t see them suddenly transform into people who are now happier and more satisfied and more successful. What they were before they were married is what they will be after.

And this I know while I’m single, I will continue to thrive.

P.S. I know that this blog is not perfect… there’s so many variables. It will probably make some people mad. I get it, there’s many angles to look at it. Don’t base your life on this. I just wrote this from one angle. I could totally write a blog how I believe everyone should get married and the steps to prepare for that. I probably won’t do that though, but you may see more blogs coming in the future on subjects like this.