Death, Dark and Cold

 Death, Dark And Cold

I always like to visualize my year at the beginning of the year. Last year was full of life and fun and dreams coming true. At the beginning of this year all I saw was a blank snowy white field. There was nothing filling up the scene. It was pretty and sparkly but cold and unknowing. Eventually I did see myself walking through the snow with ease. I was wearing my furs to keep me warm and arrows on my back. I thought I was alone. And I was wondering what this meant for my year. I was quite hesitant. But than eventually I did see a group of people walking with me. I then remembered an encouragement I had received in the beginning of the year. God will put people in your life to help you. You will be ok.

I apologize for not being consistent with my blogging this summer. There's nothing more annoying when your following a blog and then they're not consistent with posting. I really have no excuse. But it has been a hard year so far so to speak. It's been one of those seasons where everything good I've held on to and believed in has been tested. Instead of buying my own car and travelling, I used the money on doctors and health. Also, I have buried two people in my family in the last 5 months. One of them being my Dad just a few days ago.

 I have found one thing, no one is ever made to handle the stress of losing a loved one. As I watched my Dad slowly suffocating, "comfort" words that God won't give us any more than we can handle didn't mean much to me. This is definitely more than what my Dad could bear or his family watching. A human is not made to be on edge without sleep day and night thinking that this might be your loved one's last agonizing breath. God did say that he won't tempt us more than we can bear. But he didn't say we won't experience more suffering than we can bear. We live on this earth. Life is hard. But when life is more than what anyone could handle, He is waiting for us to let him carry us with his supernatural Strength and Power. Days when I wondered how I could go on another minute and all I wanted was just to die, somehow I made it through and I received physical strength and a person would come my way to give me emotional strength. A miracle of healing would happen in my heart and even in my physical body, when I should have been breaking apart. In that cold darkness of death, I have also found Love like I have never experienced before - through people, but also when people weren't there for me, I believe God loved me.

If you are experiencing a time of darkness, I'm not gonna pat you. It's going to be hard. But the difference is whether your going to hide in fear or face it and let love carry you through.