Single and Thriving

Preface: 

I wrote this blog a few months ago, but always seemed like there was something more important to post. By now, for those of you who know me, know that I am not as single as I write in my post. But in the moment this was written I was as single as a pringle. And I don't care what has happened since, I still feel very strongly that I need to post this... so here it is...same as it was. 

Hi! I am single. I don’t see that as a big deal, but as I get along in my age it seems to become a big deal for other people. I normally don’t like to make a big difference between the singles and the married people. To me, we’re all people on a journey. No one is better than the other. But I have heard so many comments and questions from other singles and even been bugged to write about it, I decided to relay my thoughts on the subject…

I have seen a lot of blogs and articles lately about being single and how what married people often say to the singles can really be insensitive and illogical.

And yes, since I’m 25 and still single I have heard my fair share of very insensitive and sometimes quite amusing remarks. And there was a time in my life where the criticism was so much that if I were to have posted a blog I would have joined the popular articles and directed it to the married people and explained VERY clearly and bluntly how they can negatively affect the single people with what they say. At that point, no matter how confident we feel in ourselves, suddenly we can start to doubt ourselves and wonder where the heck we completely messed up our lives. And apparently there is no hope for us.

I get that. I understand, if you as a single person at times feels lonely, hopeless, confused and misunderstood. I know what that is. Especially the misunderstood part. I know what it’s like to sense the stares, to hear the whispers, to see the smirks on people’s faces. I know very well what it’s like to feel the pressure of needing to get married because that apparently is the ultimate goal and final destination of true happiness. I know what it’s like to feel the constant pushing, or even the silence because “poor thing is still single, and I don’t want her to feel worse so I won’t talk about her love life… to her at least but to other people maybe yes”. Oh man do I hate to be pitied. That’s the worst. Or how about this one: “Someday you will find your man” (gentle pat on the back). Ugh, puke, give me a break. Doesn’t matter how sincere they are, it always sounds wussy. Like we are some poor lost orphans. And someday we can have the ultimate life like they have.

And yes I know what it’s like to get all the advice in the world because they want to help us. But no one actually cares enough to take the time to listen to “my” heart and talk about the journey that “I” am on; which by the way, is completely different than anyone else’s journey. They don’t even realize that I’m actually really enjoying my life and that I’m actually feeling quite hopeful and that I would actually love to process my love life with them as long as they would be more interested in my heart than a juicy story, and as long as they would keep in mind that my journey to love might be very different than theirs – in fact it could be completely opposite, and that I am still ok as a person.

And just once I’d like to hear “I am proud of how you’re thriving as a single person. You’re managing your life and relationships so well.”

But, this blog is written to us singles, not the “other” people. I will not hash them. There is no “right” way to handle us anyway, it seems. So don’t worry “other” people. You’re ok. I honor you and if you need for me to clarify some things I said you may come talk to me. I like directness, more than indirect communication through other people. J

So here’s the deal, singles… I have decided in all areas of my life to act like a daughter as opposed to a victim. It’s a choice I have to make many times a day. A daughter or son of a king knows that he/she has authority and power to change things. She is the head and not the tail. A victim will always back off when things get hard and will pity himself and blame others for making their life so hard. A daughter takes ownership of her own life. A victim let’s life happen to them, and a daughter makes life happen for them.

So talking about being single - I don’t know what your story is, but if being single is a sensitive thing for you and it brings you pain, then maybe I can help you do a little mindset shift.

There are common lies singles (and married) believe. I simply want you to say the following truths out loud. Get them in your head and heart.

1.   My value does not come from my relationship status.

2.   My final destination is not marriage. It’s just an awesome chapter in my life story.

3.   Finding “the one” will not cure my loneliness. (A married person can be just as lonely as a single person)

4.   I can experience great relationships, even covenant relationships before I’m married.

5.   My journey in finding love will look different than anyone else’s. There is no formula in how to get there.

6.   I am a whole person before I’m married.

7.   I can have my needs met in a healthy way, before I’m married. (yes, there are needs and desires we have as singles)

8.   I can thrive as a single person.

9.   There is no shame in being a single person.

10.              Everyone is NOT looking and talking about me.

11.              I am awesome!

12.              I am doing very well.

13.              There is nothing wrong with me.

14.              I did not miss my chance.

I am not diminishing your desire to have a spouse. It’s ok and normal and good to desire someone of the opposite sex. But while you’re on that journey of finding him or her, don’t let other people rob your joy, your vision, your dreams. Sometimes what they say may hurt or just sound dumb, but don’t worry about it. They actually care about you. Don’t act like a victim and shut people out when things don’t work out for you.

I find that the church (which is my community) as a whole seems to have forgotten the single young adults. This overlooking is unintentional, but in the pulpit there’s messages for almost every people group, but the single group’s unique needs are never really addressed. Except of course “get married already!” I would like to insert a few symbols here, but I will withhold.

There is actually a type of grief that is called disenfranchised grief. My friend talks about this in her blog http://thesexycelibate.com/category/loneliness/. Which by the way, you should check out. Usually grief is had when you lose something you’ve had. But this grief is grieving something you’ve never been able to have – desires that haven’t come to pass. It’s like a woman who longs to have children but can’t. This grief is just as real, but it never gets addressed. I’m not judging any church, I’m just saying that your pain and feeling alone is valid.

But if we blame others and pity ourselves than we jump into that victim mode and that is just disgusting.

So how do we thrive as singles?

1. Create family. You should learn to relate to people in a deep level before your married anyway.

2. Dream and live those dreams.

3. Love yourself and let others love you.

4. Get a vision of what you want your relationships to look like and stick with it. Don’t EVER settle for anything less. (It’s a good idea to ask God for that visionJ)

I have people in my life that I feel entirely loved by, starting with people in my family. I also have friends all across the world. These people would do anything for me. The only time when I would feel that they don’t seem to really care about me is when I slip into that victim mode. “Why don’t they call me? Why don’t they ask me how I’m doing?” Hey with family we just tell them how we’re doing, we don’t wait for them to come and ask. And they always want to know how Clarice is doing.

I have had many close friends that have gotten married by now, including 2 of my nieces. And here again, people will look at me with pity, and ask “how does it feel to have your nieces, of all things, get married before you!”

But I can honestly say that the only thing I felt on their weddings was genuine happiness for each friend that got married. I know some of you hate me right now for saying that. But hear me out… I honestly rejoice with them. Just because my journey looks different than theirs does not mean I’m less valuable, or less important. I’m not just sitting and waiting for my ultimate destination, marriage. Because marriage is not my ultimate destination. I’m pretty darn excited for when it will happen cuz I know it will be good, but if that was the only thing I was living for I think I’d be kind of disappointed.

I have things I’m living for that even if I’d never get married I would still thrive and love my life.

I have let people into the deepest parts of my life and I am completely loved by them. That is definitely a risk, but when you’re loved unconditionally, it kind of sets you free and you don’t really care what anyone else thinks of you.

And lastly as long as I keep things simple and stay in God’s peace and His vision for my life, I can thrive and be happy no matter what the marital status is.

Now, it’s starting to sound like I’m pretty near perfect and got it all figured out. That’s a laugh. But I have experienced everything I’ve said as the truth and I want to impart that hope to you.

I still feel vulnerable many times and I’ll feel out of place or just plain annoyed knowing how subconsciously everyone still thinks constantly about why I’m still single.

But that’s not my problem. Until they truly care about me and want to know about my heart, I won’t tell them. But I know who I am. I am a daughter, with an incredible future. I am going from glory to glory. I am a normal human being who longs for relationship. And since God put that desire in my heart, I know he will fulfill it. I will not run from that desire. I will embrace life as it comes. Who I am doesn’t change, whether I’m single or married.  

By the way, I have watched people get married, and I don’t see them suddenly transform into people who are now happier and more satisfied and more successful. What they were before they were married is what they will be after.

And this I know while I’m single, I will continue to thrive.

P.S. I know that this blog is not perfect… there’s so many variables. It will probably make some people mad. I get it, there’s many angles to look at it. Don’t base your life on this. I just wrote this from one angle. I could totally write a blog how I believe everyone should get married and the steps to prepare for that. I probably won’t do that though, but you may see more blogs coming in the future on subjects like this.

Beauty Part I: Beauty Made Practical

  

I love doing people’s makeup. It’s fun and rewarding. I like seeing the transformation on their faces and their whole appearance.  As a makeup artist I observe the details of their facial features… their eye color, their skin tone, their facial structure to see how I can enhance their beauty the most. I like making colors work together to complement and harmonize with the whole face.  There is a reason it’s called a makeup ARTIST.  I’m an artist. That’s what I do. I play with color on a canvas. Any artist knows that just a hint of one color can change the whole look of their masterpiece. Every tint, every shade counts. Yet there are no rules as an artist, you can play as much as you want and use any technique you want as long as it works for you. Beauty has no limit.

 So do I think that a woman has to wear makeup to look beautiful? Absolutely not. I just like being an artist. Makeup is just the extra touch to her beauty. I think we’ve all seen a girl wear makeup that did not look good at all.

So why do some girls not carry their beauty well? One obvious reason is that many girls just don’t know how to properly apply makeup and to work with color so it goes with their skin tone and eye color making them look fake. Another reason is cuz they simply may not be taking good care of their skin and body so it can’t look as beautiful as it was meant to. And other girls are not aware of where their true beauty actually comes from. Here’s the clincher: a girl may not use makeup and she may not have the “perfect” skin and body, but people are still attracted to her because of her beauty. Beauty is not really about the makeup at all!

So what are the secrets to looking truly beautiful? I will share some personal tips. They may not be the ultimate right answers, but these are things I have learned to be true from my own experience.

Physical beauty comes from taking care of your physical body. How many of you know that when you’re sick, you just don’t look as good. You have one day where your sick and you don’t eat and so you look haggard and pale with dark circles under your eyes. Not to mention when you see a person in the hospital with a serious or permanent disease you see all kinds of ugly things happen to their body. (May I just insert here that anorexia is a serious disease that will end up making you look worse!) So that leads me to tip #1.

Eat well! You don’t have to be on a strict diet all your life. I believe in enjoying all foods. But just don’t eat till you feel that ugh full feeling. Stop before that. Cut down on the greasy sugary foods. Make those foods a treat, not your daily diet.

Drink lots of water! Just have 2 1 liter bottles standing around and make sure you drink them in one day. Can I just say that after doing these first two things alone, I started losing weight and feeling better about myself? I realized it might be easier than I thought!

And of course, exercise. Now exercise, is not just to lose weight. Exercising gets your heart pumping and your blood flowing. So it’s healthy for your heart and your lungs in the long run. The blood flowing and the muscles working helps your body to get rid of toxins (poison that kills you) and makes your cells come alive. If toxins leave your body and your cells come alive, your skin starts to glow a healthy color. When toxins leave your body your acne has no need to be there.

Pop some vitamin E or vitamin D pills. This is what you need to have healthy skin and hair and nails. Especially for girls who live in Canada or places like that that have long winters don’t necessarily get enough vitamin D.

Do a mask for your face every once in a while to get rid of the dirt and excess oil that builds up and clogs pores.

Keep your face cleansed and moisturized. Talk with someone who knows about skin and ask them how to best take care of your skin as there are multiple different skin types so that means no one takes care of their skin the same way. Someone with really dry skin would not use masks and would not need to wash their face with soap but use moisturizers whereas the one with oily skin would have to do masks or cleansers regularly.

A great skin product is coconut oil… extra virgin 100% coconut oil. You can buy it at Costco. It’s a great cooking oil. But it’s one of the best skin products I have ever found. Not to mention it’s natural and so healthy. Use it as a moisturizer after you washed your face. It takes away dryness and redness. And it’s not super oily. You don’t need to apply a lot. It’s amazing as a conditioner for your hair as well. Rub your hair in with coconut oil and then wash your hair like you normally do. It will leave your hair silky and shiny and soft, just like the commercials. :P

Oh and I almost forgot! Sleep! Sleep, sleep sleep. If you don’t ever get fully rested at nights, you have a problem. Honestly I have found sleep is one the best beauty products out there. It solves pretty much anything. I am not exaggerating. A season in my life where I was sick and not sleeping well, I did not have great color at all in my skin. My hair was absolutely dull and lifeless with NO color. My eyes eventually looked sunken. But on the other hand I have found after just a couple of nights of getting full rest, I can visibly see when I get up and look in the mirror that my skin looks healthy with great color, those nasty zits are drying up, my eyes have a radiant look to them, AND I feel like I have lost some weight. I am not kidding you. The best way to lose weight is to get lots of sleep. And this has been proven scientifically. And proven by me. You feel bloated? Just get good rest and see what happens! And of course you will simply feel healthier and more energetic.

But how many of you know that 2 people may do all these things and have perfectly healthy beautiful bodies, but one just has this extra glow that comes from deeper than what she does on the outside to her body. This is where true beauty comes from. From the inside. This is when that person who does have a terrible disease and it has stripped their physical glory, there is still a beauty that shines from their eyes and in their smile.

Just as much as you have to keep your body healthy to look beautiful, you also need to keep your spirit and soul healthy to look beautiful. In fact, this is where it starts. This is where true lasting beauty is. I don’t know if I can fully explain this, but a bitter angry person will have a hard face. A person with a lot of pain and unforgiveness will have walls up. And it will show in their face. Their eyes look scared, not bright and open. They don’t smile fully. An anxious depressed person may easily have worry lines and acne and bloated tummy. How do I know this? For starters that is what studies show. And also, may I remind you that everything in this article is speaking from experience.

I was that angry person. I was that anxious depressed person. I struggled with many health issues from that. Panic attacks which greatly affect your breathing, sleepless nights, acne, tummy aches and the list could go on. This is a journey for all of us. I finally came to a point in my journey where I started to get rid of all that. I was tired of it. I was healed of pain, I fought that spirit of fear, I embraced who I was… a daughter of a Daddy who absolutely loves me and adores me. A daddy who gives me power and authority. I realized that I’m not a victim anymore. I have a voice and I can influence my world instead of it influencing me. I have control of my life. I let myself be loved. I let my walls down. I let people love me for who I was the ugly the bad and the good.  I got a peace. And when I let this Love hit me full force, I was able to love myself, and love others with an open heart.  Without ANY fear. What did this do to my beauty? Well, I just need to look at before and after photographs of me and then I knew. It’s very odd how obvious it is. It actually kind of amuses me. In the before pictures (even pictures where I’m young with younger skin and virgin hair ) I still look so much better now. In the before pictures her smile is timid, her eyes scream “I hope I’m pretty and people like me but I feel insecure and so I’ll put up a mask”. Her body posture is awkward and, oh my, her hairstyles are always safe and unflattering. The after pictures show a totally different person. Compared to the before picture, now her eyes are relaxed and confident. Her whole face is totally at peace. Her smile radiates true joy. I see an authority in the after face that totally was not there before in the timid face. There is a fierceness in her eyes and a glow in her skin. And I have to say her body posture is a lot less awkward with a lot more confidence.

I hope you are starting to see that most of the true beauty comes from the inside. All of this stuff I just described I could not have conjured up with makeup or diets. Some of it happened very subtly. I didn’t even realize it was happening. It was only when people who hadn’t seen me for a few years and then saw me after the change happened and I got comments like the following that I realized how much I had transformed into a beautiful person inside out: “you look different. There’s this peace in your face.” “You look so beautiful…it’s a beauty that radiates from your eyes. Something must have happened to you.”

We’re all on this journey… we’re being taken from glory to glory. And it never ends. And I believe this means our beauty is being taken from glory to glory as we let God restore our spirit, soul and body. Do you realize that this is who we were always meant to be? We are beautiful. Nothing can change that. But we can mar it by letting fear and insecurities come in. He is the one who created beauty in the first place. He is the essence of beauty. And we’re created in His image. So if we become more like him, we will have beautiful spirits, we will have beautiful minds and beautiful bodies. So let’s do our part to keep ourselves healthy in every way. And go ahead, use the creativity and eye for beauty that God gave you to enhance and play with what he gave you through makeup and fashion in your own unique way. God is also the creator so he made you creative. It is natural to want to express the beauty that you feel. But we all know where true beauty comes from, the rest is just an added touch.

Valentine Vintage

I would like you to meet a very special person in my life. It's a person that I too often take for granted. She is my best friend, my soul sister, my coach, my cheerleader, my fellow-dreamer, and technically my niece. She is one of the people that has inspired me and helped me be who I am today. She is one person that has never stopped believing in me and valued my dreams. I don't know if she knows it, but I have valued my dreams and thought they were worth pursuing because she believed in them. She is always there to help me process and help me see in a practical way how everything will work out. This girl has stuck with me from the day she was born to the present days where she is happily married. And this guy, whether it's good or bad, is stuck with me now too! This girl is beauty inside and out. I had so much fun styling her and working on her gorgeous face.

Please meet Crystal!

Layers are so much fun. I love the "poor, school girl" look of the knee high wool socks and combat boots. Then add a fun flirty skirt, uniform jacket, and warm it up with a knitted scarf and hat. As you can see I'm going for the knits and wools. Add a bit of pink and you've got yourself a cute February flirty vintage look.

A soft 50's curl and bright makeup is a fun touch as well for the cold month of February which is actually the month of love!

Photography by Joe Bantel

Makeup and Styling by Clarice Reimer

Hair by Andrea Dueck

Pictures with husband Joe Bantel in it, taken by Clarice Reimer

I've Got the Fur!

Good Afternoon! Besides my obsession for leather as of late, fur has been right up there with it. I always thought fur was something only the very rich people would wear and was actually turned off by it for that reason. But somehow that changed. Maybe when I found that you could get it for cheap in normal stores. Maybe when I realized that I didn't need to let the rich people define what fur said about fashion. Wearing it makes me feel more one with the earth...lol. It actually kind of makes me feel classy and redneck all at the same time. It definitely does add interest and fashion to an outfit. Not to mention it keeps you warm in the winter. And let me tell you, with as long and cold as this Manitoba winter is, you got to get creative with your warm clothes.

Here's a tip for your winter wardrobe. I have a small closet. And since, I admit, I like clothes it is always jam packed. I don't know about you, but I hate looking through my closet of half the things I don't wear to find the things that I actually could wear. And this is especially true for in the winters when all you wear is sweaters anyway. I decided to sort through my clothes and put all my summer stuff in a box and only kept the clothes on the hangers that I actually use in the winter. The stuff I found that I never wear anymore went into a box that goes to charity. Now my small closet isn't packed. I can easily go through and see what my options are. And everything in there is something I actually could use at any given day. Come summer, I will switch it up again and box all my sweaters and warm clothes and hang out all my summery clothes (oh man, may that day come quickly). Can't wait to slip into something light and short sleeved.

I know some of you will laugh at my tip, but hey, if your as unorganized and messy as me, this is genius! I felt genius when I came up with it after all these years. And it's so easy!

If you have other wardrobe tips, please let me know! I want to hear!

Fur Vest: Forever 21

Feather Necklace: Forever 21

Leather Jeggings: On Sale at Sirens

Photographer: Clara Loewen

As you can see in the pics, the sun was brutal, but she made it work!

This is such a comfy shirt I can wear with leggings because of the length in the back. And because of it's plainness I can add layers and deck it out as much as I want. That's why I love plain shirts because I can do with it what I want it to do.

At least I lived!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and happy New Years. Now that the partying is done, it's on with the year 2014. As I was reflecting on year 2013, I have to say it probably has been one of the most happy and fulfilling year for me. Not that everything in my life is all honky-dory by far, but you know when you have fought for something and have had dreams, and then you finally see some fruit after seasons of fighting and not seeing any reward at all, there is a feeling of joy and purpose. 

Among the many dreams I've seen fulfilled this year, I would like to share one. Not that many people know that I have been struggling with my health the past few years. A few years ago I seemed to collapse under emotional and physical stress. I was in a depression and completely physically sick. This was discouraging to say the least. I slowly climbed out of that depression by letting people into my life and fighting with me. But that collapse set me back and I realized that physically I was still not back to normal. I had tightness in my chest and often struggled for breath. I had no energy and my bones (esp. ribs) kept popping out of place. 

Now, I am a naturally active person. I love to jog, work out, play sports etc. But none of this was possible for me without me breaking down physically. I couldn't even run for a minute before I just grew completely out of breath, panting and holding my aching sides. This was extremely devestating to me. I felt like I was being robbed of my potential. I saw myself wasting away before my eyes. 

I was generally getting better, but then I would fall back again with not being able to breathe deeply and lacking energy. 

At the beginning of 2013, I decided if I wanted to live a happy life and succeed in all my other dreams, I would have to make it a priority to become healthy. And literally that was my goal for year 2013... to get to the bottom of my problem. I started pampering myself and taking life easy. Saying "no" to many things so that my body could rest and become strong. I started doing things that were fun and easy (I believe having fun brings healing faster). And  yes, I went to doctors and chiropractors and started intentionally living a healthy lifestyle.

I did not have a major disease but after a time of not treating my body well and over stressing it was getting to the breaking point.

Then one happy day one brave person diagnosed me with scoliosis(crooked backbone). I knew I'd had a minor case of it since I was a child but it wasn't growing worse so I had forgotten about it. But apparrently it slowly was pulling my muscles and ribs out of place so much so that all the muscles in my back and chest area became so extremely tight that it caused all kinds of problems. Any type of twisting or pressure in the upper back made it worse. This was a happy day for me because finally I had the answer to my problems. Swimming is the treatment I got. This girl went swimming and then got massaged. Went swimming and got massaged some more. And I kid you not! After a couple months there was no scoliosis to be found. 

And by the way, I have been running for 20 - 30 minutes already without almost dying. I have played active sports. No I am not completely up to where my body should be. I am still not doing anything strenuous with my upper back. I am taking in my vitamins to get my strength back up. But I can go for my jogs again. My brain has been clear for half a year already because since I can breathe deeply, I finally get enough oxygen to my brain again.

This is nothing short of a miracle for me! I plan that soon I will be able to actually vacuum again and clean the shower in my bathroom without it pulling out my muscles and ribs. I plan in the next year I will be able to do workouts and start gettin' those abs on. Oh how I miss using my muscle to their full potential. But I know this will be hard work and it will take lots of patience still. So I'll need you guys to keep me accountable. But then I did go swimming. And I hated swimming. Especially by myself. Cuz who's got time for that? Nobody else did apparently. But it paid off. And I will continue doing so cuz it feels so good.

Anyways, I hope this inspires you to not give up. And sometimes you just got to set your mind to get down and dirty to see the change you need in your life.

Here are some of my happy moments in 2013:

Above 3 Pictures: My Young Adults Group - '50's Swing Dancing. In the first one - learning the steps.
This group has been one of the joys of 2013.

PARIS! Check!

I had the privilege to go to Africa with an incredible fun team. We gave out clothes extravagantly and just hung out with the beautiful African people. Seriously I was struck with their beauty every time I looked into their fierce faces... dark eyes, high cheekbones, ebony skin and sparkling smiles. They are a kindhearted people.

 

Weddings - got to be a part of my 2 beautiful nieces' weddings!

Camp!

Makeup School...
This is my gorgeous model Jennifer. She is a smart talented young lady... As I've gotten to know her I know the world will need to watch out!

Editorial Shoot: This was my final project. Had fun playing with light, makeup and style.
Yvonne, another one of my beautiful talented friends. I love her motherly heart.

Graduated Makeup School - Check!

 

Merry Christmas - with my bros!

Photo taken by: Becki Petkau

Spent New Year's Weekend worshipping with 30,000 people in one building. It was epic!

Baby, It's Cold!

Well, here in Manitoba there is no doubt that winter is upon us. From a couple days of steady blizzard to -40 C. Sheesh! So if I don't wear sweaters now I don't know when I ever will. I didn't, however, want to wear my one dinky sweater every day in the office. So I went shopping for a variety of cozy clothes. It's not hard these days to find lots of cute sweatery tops. But some of us don't have all that money to buy a whole new winter wardrobe all at once. Although I felt I needed to for survival reasons. But for those of us who are on some kind of budget or just don't really have that kind of money, let me tell you a little secret. Any old baggy grandma sweater like I'm wearing here is quite in style, no problem. So if your grandma doesn't have a pile of sweaters she can give you, try the "thrift shop down the road, you'll look incredible"! AND you'll save yourself some valuable pennies. So there is hope for you to stay warm this winter.

To balance out the bulkiness of this sweater, I made sure I wore very sleek bottoms.

Photography: By Clara Loewen

Wool Pull over Sweater: Value Village $8.00

Leather Leggings: Sirens

 

Not That Perfect

Beauty Tip of the Day:
I wanted a fresh look for my hair. Since I'm growing my hair out and don't want to cut and don't like spending too much time maintaining my hair, there was only one thing for me to do. I was seeing a trend starting that will soon be popular. So I decided to hop on the train before it was ahead of me. The Ombre!( I just love the sound of that word.) It's putting the highlights in the bottom of the hair. There's many variations of ombre's - some super subtle and others more drastic. But it's very low maintenance. Who woulda thought that the look of grown out roots could be a sought after look! So far people tend to go for that look for the summer, but I went ahead and did it for winter. Sometimes you gotta be brave and try something new. YOU start the trend.
Here's a bonus tip: When you put a curl or wave in your hair, always curl away from the face. This gives it a much more natural flow.

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It has come to my attention that some people may think that I have it all figured out, that I’m pretty much the shizzle and I’ve got it made….pretty much that I am perfect. Sometimes I think so too. Haha. But then of course there’s others that think the opposite of me. And I feel that at times as well.

But I want to tell you something that may be shocking for some of you to hear and hard to take in. But here goes: I am not perfect. I actually make mistakes and I don’t always treat people the way I should. I feel very insecure at times. And I sometimes feel like a total failure. I sometimes wonder if I’m doing anything right, and I sometimes feel like I might be living 2 lives.  Sometimes I hide rather than be honest with people or myself.

Sometimes when you feel ignored or feel like I think I’m better than you, I may actually be dealing with insecurities.

Lately I have come more and more face to face with the fact that I really am not perfect and I really do not have it all together. I may have places of leadership and influence, but I definitely do not have it all figured out.  Once in a while I’m brave enough to take that mask off and let people see that as well.

I feel like I don’t even know what it means to love. I thought I did. But I realized I had drifted from relationships. I’ve been carried away with my responsibilities and consumed with my own personal life, that I have looked past my community, my friends, even my family and people closest to me. I realized I haven’t been relating. I’ve acted proud and ignored people. I really did think I was too good for them.

I actually broke down and bawled like a baby when I realized I might not even know what true sacrificial, unselfish love is. I’m way too concerned with that I look good for people - that what I do will be attractive. In the final end I always want people to know that I am right.

Am I ok to let the other person be right? Am I willing to give up my comforts and my habits at times for others? Am I willing to get down to their level and relate to them as equals? Am I more devoted to care for their wellbeing then my own? Am I wanting to make them look good and I get nothing in return for it?

I watched a little video clip the other day that you all might have seen posted on facebook of a girl that was dating a guy who was in a tragic accident. He got brain damage and couldn’t do anything for himself. He couldn’t walk or talk. But she did what any girl in love would do - she married him. So she was a wife as well as his caretaker.

Watching it just blew my mind. That is a love that goes way beyond the shallow things we think is love.

But for me coming to the realization that I am really very far from perfect, as humbling as it is, I can feel encouraged. For one, I’m so thankful that God is keeping me in check and he reminds me before I go off and become the worst snob out there.

Second, I think it’s a sign for me that I’m learning to be honest with myself and others. Honesty with our heart is the best way to change, to keep on going even if we mess up royally.

And what I have realized as well is that God never ever gives up on me. He cannot. Because he sees me as the complete perfect me. That is who I am to Him. And because he loves me so much, I cannot give up on myself either. There is no way that I will. Because I love Him way too much to disappoint Him. I want to give him what he paid for.