So it's the love season! Without getting into the argument of whether Valentine's Day is a good day to celebrate, because we should show love every day or it's being mean to the single people. I don't really care. Both are probably true, depending what your perspective is. Personally, I think it's kind of a fun day. My family never made a big deal of it though. Don't know that my Dad ever made a special effort to do something special for my mom on that day. And my mom didn't mind. It just wasn't on their radar.
But it was kinda fun receiving the cute witty valentine cards from my friends at school. As I got older it was kinda fun to be surprised randomly by some guy who wanted to be "Christian" and make the girls feel special by giving them a rose. I loved it. I love that they did that. (I'm sure there were no ulterior motives :) But most of my life I did not have a special someone to celebrate it with. My highlight of the season was cinnamon hearts. I kid you not! That's all I needed to be happy! And maybe do something special with my friends. It was a good excuse to watch some lovey mushy movie without feeling dumb.
As I got into my mid twenties I became more aware of the fact that Valentine's Day was probably a bigger deal than what I let on. I realized how many single people felt lost that day. I was reminded more and more often that I was still single.
In the end it's not about Valentine's Day at all. A single person could do something special and have fun on Valentine's Day and a person with a significant other could be sad that her spouse forgot about her.
As I talked about in my post "Single and Thriving", it's not about being single or married that makes you happy. Having said that, everyone is created for desire for relationship and to be known intimately. Everyone has that desire no matter how tough you are. Trust me I was an independent single girl for 25 years. And I learned how to thrive in that. But deep down I had dreams of having someone that would love me unconditionally, care for me, fight for me, and not get freaked out when they found out I wasn't perfect. I wanted to be known and treated like I was the only girl in the world. I do not want to make you feel dumb for having those desires. And for some, those desires have been crushed many times. I want to acknowledge your vulnerability and bravery. With all of that said, I want to leave you with hope.
If your single and love being single, that's awesome! Show others how to love themselves and thrive in life. Marriage is not a destination. It's part of your journey. If I could look you in the eyes right now I would and tell you "your awesome at being single, because I know the pressure can be hard." If your single and you want to find someone, that's awesome. Nothing dumb about that. Stay open and take risks. But finding that person won't fix your problems. If your bad at communicating with your family, you'll probably be bad at communicating with your spouse. So practice thriving while your still waiting and that way you'll thrive once your with someone.
I remember a year and 2 weeks ago, I had my February 14 weekend planned. There was no way I was about to feel sorry for myself. Yes I was the age that I should be going out on dates and I actually longed to share it with someone, but I didn't, so instead I decided to bring the party to other singles by putting on a formal dinner for them. I also planned to help serve food at a married's "sweetheart banquet". I was prepared to thrive as a single on Valentine's Day. And 2.5 weeks before February 14 I got asked out by a guy who is now my fiancé. Suddenly it all changed. Suddenly I went from happily eating cinnamon hearts and watching mushy movies and enjoying life to sharing a date with someone who wanted to be with me, and wanted to to make me feel loved.
I look back now with a ring on my finger, and I think "Wow!" I don't regret any one of my 25 single years. I had fun. I lived and loved and made mistakes and I grew. Then I took a risk and opened my heart to someone and I continued to live and love some more and still make mistakes and more crazy amounts of growth since a year ago. All of it was so worth it. I can honestly say my wildest dreams are coming true.
If you feel pain in your heart, be honest about it. You can go from eating cinnamon hearts by yourself to enjoying a gourmet dinner with someone special with no warning.
If you are happy, don't feel guilty! Bask in the love that you feel. And maybe spread some of that to others!
As for me, I know I will have the most delightful date with my man on Valentine's day. But I still secretly hope i'll find some cinnamon hearts somewhere!
