Winter Fashion and a Christmas "Light Bulb" Moment

How do you stay professional during the winter season? As I've mentioned earlier Mr. E and I made a move 3 months ago. We moved from small town to city. Many might see Winnipeg as a drab boring city, but as always I like to find beauty in a seemingly ugly thing. For starters we have this wonderful old stone church right by our place. Right now, I'm sitting in a cozy coffee shop that is just a quick walk from our house. So this city definitely has it perks. My job I got a few weeks after moving required being dressed up. I had no problem with that! But it can be a challenge being professional looking when it's cold and you just want to wear comfy cozy things. 

Here it's a comfy dressy black sweater with a dark green tea length pencil skirt. It's a soft stretchy material, so quite warm as well. Pair the outfit with heels and your good to go. I love the balance of looser tops and fitted bottoms. You can make this skirt more dressed up by wearing a blouse and blazer instead of the sweater.

I just watched a beautiful piece by Lindsey Stirling where she’s playing “Hallelujah” on her violin in a bus station and no one really takes time to listen and appreciate the beauty of her music. She has such talent and yet she didn’t dress up so people would notice her. She looked happy though, that she could make the beautiful music no matter if people saw her. It just hit me and I cried. (I'm always prone to crying just after a massage treatment though! :) But I’m realizing that I can go from feeling excited and having a lot of purpose and potential to feeling like an absolute waste of time in a short time. 

I lost a job recently and I'm realizing that I like to be defined by the job that I have. It's hard to start something new. And I'll be honest right now I don’t feel that people are seeing the beauty in me. I have nothing left to impress people with. I’m done looking good for others. I'm not really sure where my life is going right now. None of my dreams really seem possible at all. I really don’t know what I have to offer anymore. I don’t feel like a very strong person. I stress out before I can accomplish anything. Anyone ever felt this way? Anyway, this is how I was feeling in the moment.

But I’m sitting here thinking… Is it really about me? It's Christmas and for the first time I’m thinking about Jesus our Saviour. This is the time we celebrate him where he offered himself as a gift to us. He sees the beauty in me when I can’t.

I don’t have a special talent. I don’t play music beautifully or have lots of money. But I can do a lot of things. I can apply makeup. I can bake. I can see beauty in clothes, in rooms, in people’s faces. I can encourage. I can love and give grace. I have the gift of honesty and refreshment. I am beauty. Why don’t I focus on giving this Christmas. Not in impressing others. Not in competing for the best job. Not in comparing myself to others. Why don’t I take the focus off myself and start seeing others around me. Yes I have experienced pain and unfairness in my life. I may not be totally healed from that. I may not be the strongest healthiest person out there. But what’s the use in holding back because of that. What’s the point in wallowing in self pity and trying to get attention. I can start sitting back and looking at the world through the eyes of the One that came to bring beauty. That came to love the unloveable… that came to bring hope to the humble and to the proud… to the poor and to the rich… to the bums and to successful people… He came to bring hope to a girl that has known Him all her life, but has felt disconnected through all the pains, twists and turns in her life… She’s not poor neither is she rich… there doesn’t seem to be anything super special about her… but He came for her too and He knows her pretty deeply. And He loves her pretty deeply. In fact if she or anyone really knew how significant His love was for them, they would probably not feel worried or stressed, or depressed or hopeless or bored. There would be a light in their eyes… brilliance in their face, and a quickness to their step. The music would change…the world would start to brighten. The sick would get out of bed, the dead begin to rise. The depressed would start to sing and the proud would fall to their knees. There would be joy in the city, for the Saviour has come to earth! He is real.

So here I am. It’s time to humble myself and look through the eyes of Love and stop worrying about my job or about me. I want to start giving. Of myself. I might not be doing anything different on the outside, but the attitude would be completely different - the reason why I do things. If I do it to give to the world instead of making me look good could make a difference. Wow! Why have I never thought of that before! 

So there is my little Christmas revelation and hope it encourages you. Have a very Magical and Merry Christmas! 

Hallelujah- Lindsey Stirling- #aSaviorIsBorn-Youtube

Snow, Christmas Decor, and Such

As I'm curled up inside on our first real snow day my mind naturally goes to Christmas. I've been in the slow process of decorating our house that we moved into a couple of months ago. Now to add Christmas to it! I'm so excited. So today I'll share some pinterest ideas that I think may be low budget and unique. These are things that I'm thinking of doing in our house. One can always dream. :)

I love the bohemian Christmas going on on the left.

And on the right, who wouldn't want a festive basin like that to welcome you home.

 

I definitely want a little modern Christmas tree. And so
happy for my cheap furs I got to add to my Christmas
decor. White and fur!

Isn't this tree the cutest thing! Love the little ornaments! And it saves space!

 

I have been keeping some old window frames from when our house got revamped.  They are perfect to do something like this with them. Any old picture frame will work.

Anyway, that will do. Till next time!

Emotional Well-being - Love Yourself

As winter sets in, these are days for all things warmth. Furs, hand me down sweaters and hot teas.

I'm on this journey to find complete emotional and physical health. In fact, it's a journey that will probably never end as long as I'm alive. But everyone, I believe, has a potential to be in a state of well-being.

You see my husband and I just moved. It's an exciting move for us, but when your taken out of your comfort zone or also known as the place your familiar with and put into a whole new environment, your whole being gets shifted as well. Your stress levels shift, your mental awareness shifts etc. So I wasn't necessarily surprised when my body was experiencing tension and I was having a sense of disorientation. 

With not having a job, not being involved in any sort of community or church, some sleepless nights, I begin to question my identity and purpose. I realized I was condemning myself. Thoughts would cross my mind like: "I don't really know why my husband would love me", "I will never get to have the job I would actually want",  "I hate my body," "I'll never be well."

Season changes in one's life can be hard. But if you stay emotionally aware (not introspective), you can deal with things on the spot and save yourself a spiral down. 

There are 2 people that are heroes to me in this area of emotional health. Jason Vallaton and Abbi Stumvoll. 

As I was listening to them and other people in my life, like my pastor, my massage therapist and my husband, I started to become aware of a very obvious factor in my life. I didn't love myself. 

Now, if you know me well, the message I preach and  something I have had great revelation in is to know that I am loved and I am amazing because I have a Father God who loves me. But in the moment where I feel like a failure, do I love myself in spite of the fact that I don't measure up? I realized I did not. 

So I took Abbi Stumvoll's technique and practiced for a couple of days. This is what I did. Right in the moment when I felt dumb and in my mind I was not measuring up, I would stop myself and ask, "what are 3 things that are loveable about me right now?" It was somewhat life changing. It raised my level of thinking and it was actually quite healing to my emotional being. I challenge you to try it. It was amazing how intentional I had to be. It feels wrong at first when in your mind you are not measuring up (mind you, it's usually how you think about yourself, not what others think about you), in fact you have messed up, and in that moment to think of things  someone would find amazing about you. 

It's being super intentional at first, but I'm already at a totally different spot a month later where it comes much more naturally. I like what Abbi says, "Instead of imagining the negative things people might be thinking about you, start imagining the positive things people might be thinking about you. If your gonna live in a fantasy world, you might as well live in a positive one!"

There is usually always a reason when you're not feeling confident and loving life. You're not just having a bad day, you need to be aware of your inner world. You need to care for yourself if you want to care for others. Ask yourself in the morning, "How am I doing?" It sounds absurd, but it's being proactive and it's saving you from a spiral of bad days and insecurities and feeling angry and other negative emotions that you don't know where they come from.

I am still in the midst of practicing this, but I find it amazing how your emotional well-being can affect your life whether it's for the good or for the bad. So I may write more about this as I learn.

But love yourself and give yourself grace as winter is setting in!

Wedding Day - The Day Every Girl Dreams of.

I said I would post more wedding pictures here. I realize I delayed but here we go. I like the more candid non typical shots, so that's what you'll get!

The wedding day is the day that every girl dreams of her whole life. She pictures it to be perfect and beautiful, and feeling the most wonderful she ever has. After the wedding she will be whisked away on a honeymoon where everything will be completely romantic and she will get to be in the arms of her lover 24/7.

Is this actually reality? Your first response probably is no. At least mine would be. I got up the morning of my wedding not entirely rested for some reason. Little nerves that didn't let me rest completely. I had a coffee that morning which is probably a bad idea because I was as jittery as could be on the ride to the location. Not a great start to the day. It was an extremely hot day. I did not smell and feel fresh at all by the end of it. I had put on a bit of weight since I fit on my dress so it was nice and snug which did not help in the heat. A couple of items for my decor that were key to my theme, never made it in place because I failed to make sure that happened. And on goes the list of little things that didn't go perfectly.
On our way to our hotel all we could think of was food (well maybe not all) but  we went to eat at midnight. Not at a fancy restaurant.. Smoke's Poutinery, a little poutine shop... the messiest food out there probably. And first thing we did was stuff our mouths with that in our wedding garb on our wedding bed. So no it was not perfectly romantic as one would think it should be. Or at least it didn't look like it.

But honestly, when I think back on everything, the only thing I can think of to describe it was wonderful and perfect... my dream come true. Lots and lots of boho flowers and gold, that first look, our first dance, pictures in the field, and people just having fun.

 I think a lot of it is in the mind. Whatever I did, I made sure that I was able to enjoy the moment. Yes there were moments of stress, but those had to quickly be solved. I made sure that those things that were important to me, even though they seemed like frivolous details, would happen. Because I figured it was ok to feel like my dream wedding was happening. Girls dream about their wedding for a reason. Put value on those things that you secretly always wanted. Your wedding tells a lot about you and you will remember it the rest of your life. But at the same time I held these details loosely enough so that I could still have my dream wedding without paying a fortune and stressing myself completely out. That stress just wasn't worth it. So sometimes it meant handing out more money to keep the stress down and other times it meant letting go of some ideas that weren't that important anyway. I kid you not the last week and even month Mr. E and I relaxed. We had time to connect and prepare our hearts for this marriage that was about to happen. I choose that over getting all the details perfect, and not even having time to connect with our fiance.

Now circumstances don't always allow for you to just sit and do nothing the week before the wedding. I get that. Even if there is a million things to do... and truth be told there were a million things for us to do as well, but it didn't have to feel like it, because our connection was priority. Take the time to stop, and make sure you know where you both are at. You won't regret it. When Mr. E and I look back on our wedding day we just shake our heads and say we can't believe how much fun we had, and how smoothly everything went and most of all how peaceful we were. I think it was a perfect day.




Theme: Boho Rustic (wildflowers, wood, gold)
Colors: Marsala and Gold
Dress: Vintage, lace, illusion neckline, corsette back
Flowers: Academy Florists
Photographer: Simply Rosie Photography

Processing Tragedy

Here is a rather raw post where you will see me processing how I've been dealing with tragedy. So be warned - this may seem like a rather depressing confusing post. But as it is about year ago that my Dad passed away, I felt like using my blog as a way of processing.

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I walked into the hospital ward where my Dad was staying. He had just been admitted a few days ago on long weekend. I found my mom curled up in a dinky waiting room with a tv blaring nearby. Something was not right. Tragedy had hit at it's worse. I just knew it. My dad hadn't been feeling well for a while. ALS was wasting away his muscle strength. Now it had hit his breathing muscles. And nothing... nothing prepares you to see your once strong Dad suffocate in helplessness. I will spare you from the rest of those details. But in those moments panic hits him and everyone else around.
In a couple of days my family will get together to remember my Dad who passed away a year ago. Thankfully the doctors were able to medicate him so he could die peacefully. But those few days from when I saw my mom in the waiting room, completely overwhelmed, to the day he passed away were the longest, most awful days that I have ever experienced.

I thought I was a strong person. But I will be honest that my capacity to handle all that was ripping at the seams. To have my Dad taken away so brutally, and a sister in law earlier in the year, to see my mom and my brother go through this, to see the rest of my family go through this does something to the whole being of a person. My whole mental, spiritual, physical and emotional being was shifted and shattered. It's like I had to pick up the shreds and try to piece them back together only to find out it was impossible. My world felt forever unstable. Nothing is sure. Trust is torn completely out of the system.
Good? Well I don't even know that anything good is possible or if it is, it will definitely not last. Trust? Hah! What is there to trust!? The worst thing is to trust something or in someone and than everything gets broken. I definitely do not understand what my family went through a year ago. And by the way, I look into the eyes of my family and I know we all still have no clue how to process.

After we came home from the hospital, and I watched my mom come to her house to... nothing.. everything was meaningless now... I had no idea how life would work from then on. Everything was dark and hopeless.

But here I am a year later. Have I processed and grieved properly? I have no idea. Do I still believe in a good God? Yes I do. Do I trust him? Man, this one has been so hard. But yes. Honestly there is no one else I want to trust rather than him. It kind of feels thrilling to tell him that I trust him before knowing the answers or results to life. My mental and physical state has been strengthened and I am at peace. I still don't understand and am sad thinking about a year ago, but I'm ok. Am I angry at the way my Dad had to suffer? Yes, but I am so glad that he died peacefully, and that I could have moments with him where I was reminded how much he loved me all my life even though he wasn't perfect. I loved that he tapped into his humorous side all the way to the end.

I don't even want to imagine how he suffered in the end when he couldn't talk to us properly. The fear, the helplessness, the defeat and loss he felt. But somehow I think God protects us from feeling and knowing everything.

Now you were probably all hoping that I would have some crazy spiritual steps to healing or overcoming tragedy. I really don't. And I don't even want to pretend that I do. I'm not trying to be theologically correct with any ideas I presented. How did I come to a place of rest and joy? I have no steps for that either. :) But somehow I know I must be loved and protected even though I'm still working things out with God at times. I am still working on that trust thing. I think back now to the days in the hospital and I almost get a sweet memory with it, as awful as the whole time was. I can feel now that there was a sweet presence. And I look at my family and I am so thankful for them. Having gone through something like that together can do nothing but bring us closer.

After something as tragic as death, life will never be the same. There will always be a hole. But I can honestly say, life can still be good. Life is still worth living. Sometimes the dark makes the light seem lighter.  Now I can see I  might feel like someone who has been completely trampled on the battleground. I may be covered in dirt and blood and wounds and have absolutely been times where it seemed much more pleasant to just lay there and die. But I did get up... slowly, mind you... and now I'm still covered in dirt and marked, but what have I to lose now. Fear is but fear. There is no point in being perfect. I've gone down so far already. But I'll let others wash me and love me. I will not shut my heart out so I don't feel, although that seems so much easier at times.

I love that I chose to get married. My husband and I both know first hand what it's like to lose someone close. He lost his wife. We both are very aware that nothing lasts forever. But we are choosing to go all out in this relationship with our whole hearts. If it'll last a day or 80 years we don't know.
But there's something about having been shot down hard, you are faced with the decision to just lay there and die or to get up and put your whole heart into what's before you, with nothing to lose.

So this is me, raw, totally not perfect, still afraid, sometimes have no clue what I'm doing, but I'm believing for something good. I am choosing to trust. And... I feel happy! Is this even possible? Life is life and I really have nothing to lose, but what is this in my heart wanting to dream again?

So here is to all those who have felt or feel hopelessness and great pain. I have no steps for you. But I love you and I hope you choose to get up and not shut down your heart. God help us all.

If you made it through this whole post I want to thank you for reading even though it might not have made sense. But in reading it, you have shown me love. :) Now on to more lighter subjects!

Happy Friday!

Flawless Face

Well folks, It's been a crazy past month, but I did it! I got married. I can't believe it went as good as it did. I mean, really, it was perfect... I am overwhelmed with an amazing supporting group of people who were completely there for us and taking care of us especially on the day of. I never imagined feeling so relaxed and just having a blast getting ready to meet my husband in front of 250 people. But anyway I'll be blogging more about that in the next while. 

But right now I wanted to share some secrets with you. Makeup is one of my passions. I have done makeup for a lot of weddings. I actually almost teared up when I realized that now I was putting makeup on for my own wedding. It didn't feel that much different to be honest. But it was an important moment for me as silly as that sounds. So I wanted to show you a couple of products I used for my wedding and I would strongly recommend these items if you want a more healthy and flawless look. Let's just say I was really happy...

Younique face and eye primer. This little tube is a miracle. I put this on before my makeup. Now we all know what primers are "supposed" to do. Even out the skin and prepare it for makeup for a flawless look as well as help keep the makeup in place.Well this primer does exactly that. My wedding was a hot hot day, praise the Lord! But man there's no way you weren't sweating as soon as you were out in the sun. And we had an outdoor wedding. And the pictures were before hand. My wedding was in the evening. So let's just say I had my makeup on all day and I felt like a puddle by the end of the day. And I thought I would definitely want to reapply before the wedding. But to my surprise there was no need. Everything was perfect and still in it's place. This little tube is with me wherever I go.

May I present to you another little miracle. This little block of mud is close to my heart. First of all because of what "Seacret" represents. It's a skin care line that is dedicated to heal and take care of a very important organ of your body. Your skin. It is dead sea mud, which is packed with minerals. I could go on about all the benefits of the dead sea but let's just say I've been using this mud soap for months, and I swear by it. Well, I don't actually swear, but you know.. I saw and heard testimonies of people using this mud soap and it healing all kinds of skin disorders like severe acne and eczema. Well, I tried it for myself and I've been very happy with the results. Although I didn't have severe acne or anything, I did not have perfect skin either. I had oily skin and redness and occasional blemishes.  My result is that when I put on makeup now it's never to cover up redness. I prefer not to wear makeup because my skin seems so healthy and fresh looking as is. But when I do, the makeup goes on smooth and flawlessly. This soap has many other uses besides cleansing the face though. Ask me if you want to know more! 

Now I won't go on about this little glass bottle too long. But it's my foundation I use. It's Mirabella and you can get it from me. But I will use no other foundation. Mirabella has cremes for all skin tones which makes for the perfect blend for your skin. It is mineral based and it's coverage is buildable without making my skin feel cakey. It's light and blends very well. 

All in all these 3 products were my foundation for a very ready face for wedding pictures that I would see for years to come. 

These are my 3 top beauty secrets right now. I'm excited to share more wedding pictures with you!

Get Ready for Summer...and in my Case - Marriage!

Maxi skirts are everywhere. And I don't care! They are so comfy and you can be so creative with them. You can make it your own, with whatever you choose to wear with them. In this case I choose the white converse. Makes me feel fresh and ready for summer. Again they are everywhere but I really don't care! It sometimes makes shopping easier when you go for what is trending. Haha! You will also find I love finding cheap versions of brand names. I believe in trendy, comfortable and affordable! Come on summer!

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So I have not been blogging very steadily. Is it safe to say that it's not a priority when getting ready to be married? I mean, I'm not only getting ready for the details of a wedding, but I'm preparing myself in every way to be married to someone for the rest of my life. Seems like a big deal. And I believe it is. Here are two things that I've picked up from being engaged and planning a wedding.

1. Do not think you want to plan the wedding by yourself. Get someone to be your brains and your stress dumper. This could mean getting yourself a wedding timeline. This has everything you would ever need to think of listed  and in what time you should have that completed. You can get this from a wedding planner or online. I can honestly say wedding planning has not been stressful because I got myself wedding planner and a timeline.

2. Do not think that marriage will suddenly make it easy to share your heart with someone. Hah! That's a no-brainer right! Think again. There is something at the back of your mind, even though you wouldn't admit it, that once your married than you can share your darkest secrets. Then you can let go and be yourself because now your married. Your committed to each other now, right? No matter what happens. This is somewhat true and it's wonderful that you would be able to do that. But how do you expect to suddenly change in one day and suddenly be able to trust your partner with everything. Suddenly in one instant you will be willing to be completely vulnerable and let him see you for exactly who you are? I don't think that will happen in one day. Sure, it will be a growing process then.

But what about practice that before your married. My goal is for Mr. E to know me, every part of me, ugly, weird, quirky not so glamorous me before I'm married. I also want him to know every wonderful aspect of me. But I'm not going to save how I'm truly feeling and who I truly am till after marriage because than he's stuck with me. Never again will I have the chance to be completely vulnerable with someone before he's made a legal vow to stay with me forever. (And just to be clear, this does not mean sexually. We're waiting for that! And once we're married I'll let you know if it was a good idea to wait. :)

Anyway, making a conclusion here... Is letting him into my heart exactly how it is, easy for me? Especially knowing he could still choose to leave me? Heck no! I have to be intentional over and over and over again. But it's so worth it! To be loved for exactly who you are is a wonderful feeling. Now you don't have to wait to be in a relationship to have that feeling. And you can have that feeling if your married or in a committed relationship. Wherever your at in your life, you deserve to be known. Don't wait till the right moment when you can finally let go and be yourself. The right moment is now!

Happy Thursday!

Converse: Payless

Maxi skirt: Sirens

Purse: Journeys

Photography Credit: Clara Loewen